Family News in Brief -- August '08

SON ANNOUNCES BIG LOSS IN THIRD QUARTER:
My 5-year-old son posted a big loss in the fiscal third quarter despite an effort to clean up more than two dozen gold coins from his pirate ship play set during a routine vacuum clean-up in the living room earlier this month. The boy claims Mommy rolled right over the coins with the vacuum. Mommy denies the accusation. “I opened up the vacuum bag and didn’t find one toy,” she said. My son sticks to his story, stating that the coins couldn’t be anywhere but inside the vacuum. To assure Mommy and Daddy that this loss wouldn’t become a trend, our boy said he’d protect his assets in the future by putting his toys back where they belong when he’s done playing with them. We stakeholders -- both Mommy and I -- are happy with our son’s new approach to toy management.

WIFE GETS CHILLY DURING CAR RIDE HOME:
During the ride home from dinner the other night, my wife reported that she was cold, the first case of her being cold all summer and a sign that summer is coming to an end. Goose bumps on my wife’s arms confirmed her chills. “I’m freezing,” the lady of my life told me as we got onto the freeway. “Can you turn on the heater?” she asked. Experts advise those like my wife who get cold to wear warmer clothing such as pants, not shorts, and sweaters, not T-shirts. The same sources said they don’t recommend sandals either when exposed to chilly climates.

NEIGHBORS CAUGHT AT MALL FOOD COURT:
Our old neighbors and their new baby were spotted at the food court in the Westfield Valencia Town Center mall last week. My wife and I approached the couple and their newborn son, and said hello. The couple said hello back. “Wow, so good to see you,” said the man. His wife was busy shushing their newborn, and simply gestured her surprise to see us. Apparently, the couple goes to the food court frequently because the woman, when pregnant, acquired a taste for hot dogs on a stick. We exchanged phone numbers, turned to leave, and bumped into one of my wife’s old friends from high school. Food courts across the nation have since been reported as being better connectors than online social networks like Facebook and MySpace.

MAIL NOT DELIVERED, MAILBOX IS CAUSE:
On Tuesday, the mailman failed to deliver mail to my home. According to my wife, both our neighbors received their mail that day. “Obviously, it wasn’t a holiday or some other special day for the post office to take off,” she said. “I started to worry that checks and important documents that I was expecting might’ve went to someone else’s house.” Post office officials had no explanation for the lack of mail in the mailbox. The next day, my wife found a note in our box from the mailman explaining that he couldn’t deliver the mail to our home the day prior due to the fact that the mailbox door wouldn’t open. Inside our mailbox -- the one our homeowners association replaced less than a year ago -- was two days’ worth of junk mail.

-August 2008