Tuesday, January 20, 2009

Family News in Brief -- November ‘08

Studies show that most people would like to own their own genie in a lamp. A new invention from my 5-year-old son offers a similar magic. Earlier this month, my boy showed off his Zapper 3000, a machine that grants your wishes. “If you say, ‘Zapper, turn off the lights,’ the Zapper 3000 will shut off the lights,” my son said during a recent demonstration. He asked the machine to turn off the lights, and sure enough, the lights went off. “I watched my son run over to the switch and turn off the lights,” said my wife in a statement following the demo, “but he told me that he didn’t move. So I guess the Zapper 3000 really made the lights turn off.” And while the invention hasn’t been used for anything other than the on/off of lights, the opening of doors, and fruit snack delivery from the kitchen pantry to the living room, The Zapper 3000 creator says the machine can do much more. The innovation is still being beta tested, so time will tell if it’s a success or not.

Some doctors today are attempting delicate surgeries with the assistance of robotic arms. Last weekend, my 5-year-old son conducted two delicate surgeries at the same time with no assistance whatsoever. “Both my mommy and my daddy got hurt,” my son said yesterday, “so I had to give them shots and cut them open and work on them.” Even though Mommy and Daddy weren’t really hurt, both had to lie down on the living room floor while “the doctor” used his Bob the Builder tool set to operate on the two of us simultaneously. “I felt more like a custom hot rod under construction than a patient,” I reported after I was released from the “hospital.” Asked why he opted for surgery instead of using his newly invented Zapper 3000, which is like a genie in a lamp that can do anything, the doctor claimed that the machine runs on solar power only, and that the nighttime conditions forced him to operate.

Trips to the Moon are now being offered in my home. My 5-year-old boy built the first passenger space ship, and he’s flying passengers to the Moon four times a day. Tickets aren’t available at the usual travel outlets like your local travel agency or on websites like Expedia and CheapTickets, but rather my son is offering first come first serve plans. Just come on by and take a seat on the couch cushions arranged like rows of seats on the floor in my son’s room, and then, with the touch of a few buttons on the boy’s toy laptop computer in the cockpit of the ship, he’ll have you off the ground and on the Moon in no time. Thrill at the sight of romantic sunsets from the Moon’s surface, and enjoy magnificent panoramic views of cratered terrain on Earth-lit nights. Those planning to visit the Moon should pack for extremely hot days and ridiculously cold nights, and, of course, for “no atmosphere” conditions.

Singer/songwriter/guitar player/harmonica player Little Picarella comes to my living room tonight as part of his “Play, Play, and Keep On Playing” tour. Fans can expect to hear my 5-year-old boy’s hits such as “I Love Fruit Snacks,” “I Love Candy” and “I Love Mac N Cheese,” along with many favorites like “I Love Cake,” “I Love Soda” and “I Love Gummi Bears: Bearway to Heaven.” My Son’s music is a mixture of electronic toy guitar sounds and harmonica (key of C) noise. Once the music starts this evening at 5 p.m., it won’t stop. It usually just keeps on going and going and going . . .

-November 2008

No comments: