I Can't Make Decisions

WIFE: So whaddaya want for dinner?

ME: Ummm—

WIFE: You wanna go out?

ME: Yeah. Sure.

WIFE: You decide. Where do you want to go?

ME: Ooooh, let’s go to Maria’s Italian Deli. They’ve got that really good manicotti. And cannoli. That sounds good.

WIFE: But we just had Italian food two nights ago. Where else would you want to go?

ME: Let’s go to Dave’s, then.

WIFE: That’s too fattening. What about Salt Creek Grille?

ME: That’s too expensive. What about BJ’s?

WIFE: We always go to BJ’s.

ME: Well, where do you wanna go then?

WIFE: It’s your decision.

ME: OK then. Everyone in the car. We’re going to Maria’s.

WIFE: I thought you didn’t wanna go to Maria’s.

ME: No, you didn’t wanna go to Maria’s.

WIFE: Can we go somewhere else? Anywhere but Italian food.

ME: OK, how about the Route 66 Grill?

WIFE: Isn’t that kinda like Dave’s?

ME: I guess it’s somewhat like Dave’s.

WIFE: How about Margarita’s?

ME: Is that where you wanna go?

WIFE: It’s your decision. Do you wanna go there?

ME: No, but if you wanna go there, then let’s go.

WIFE: No -- just pick where you wanna go.

ME: I did pick where I wanna go. You didn’t like it. And you didn’t like my second and third choices either. So you tell me where you wanna go.

WIFE: Are you mad at me?

ME: No, I’m just hungry, so choose where you wanna go, and let’s go.

WIFE: I’m sorry -- go ahead, you choose where you wanna go.

ME: OK, Maria’s.

WIFE: Maybe we should just eat at home.

ME: Fine.

WIFE: What do you wanna have?

ME: Spaghetti.

WIFE: But we just had Italian food two nights ago.

ME: How about meat loaf?

WIFE: Kinda fattening, don’t you think?

ME: Steak?

WIFE: Anything healthier?

ME: Pork chops?

WIFE: Hmmm—

ME: Chicken? Fish? Tacos—

WIFE: Which one do you want?

I went into the kitchen, got the cereal, the milk, bowls and spoons, and I put it on the table. I sat down, poured the cereal into a bowl, poured the milk, and I started eating. My wife and our son joined me.

WIFE: This was a good idea, sweetie. So whaddaya want for Christmas?

ME: I’ll shop for myself.

-December 2009